Commitment Issues

I have commitment issues.

For those who know me personally, I am not talking about romance. It's writing, or rather, the commitment to writing. I have never been able to write anything longer than 50 pages, which adds up to approximately 10,000 words, we're recalibrating for the word-space lost by writing short, terse dialogue.

One of the main reasons I became a journalist was the length. The need to want to inform the concerning public may have played a part but the other main reason was length.

An average journalism article is short, usually about 1,000 words. I can tell a clear, cohesive narrative in 1,000 words. Give me more and I get restless, and a tad bit frustrated.

National Novel Writing Month is in full force right now, with the criteria of those with spare time and spare brain parts to write a 50,000 word novel.

1,000 words, done within one week vs. 50,000 words, usually taking a month, maybe even more.

I'll take the 1,000 words. I think the main reason I chose brevity over book is because to me, making something longer than it needs to be is like wringing a half-dry cloth, you can hope for water but nothing is going to come out if you don't re-moisten.

I dry out very easily, becoming bored after a couple of weeks. I re-moisten when I'm assigned to a new idea or a new one comes to me (usually not out of the blue but based on something I read or saw).

Perhaps it's because I haven't found that brilliant idea that would propel me for months on end. Or because I'm just lazy.

Tim Kreider categorizes the quality of being immersed in a task as "absorption"

an absorption in the immediate so intense and complete that the idiot chatter of your brain shuts up for once and you temporarily lose yourself, to your relief.

When that happens to me, that feeling that I must write and this is all I will be doing for a while, it happens sporadically and passes away just as quickly. The rest of the time, it's the sheer force of will that propels me forward towards the finish.

And that will only lasts a brief moment because I become disinterested, which usually corresponds to the point when I finish the draft.

Any longer and there would be that tell-tale feeling of wanting to throw the copy across the room.

Perhaps one day I'll write my great novel, which is the main dream my father has for me. For now, I'll stick with 1,000 words.

In other news, I examine zombies for "Back Stage." Oh the things I do for work.