"The Hobbit" aka Dammit Peter Jackson!

Gandalf: worst party promoter ever.

I saw "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" film at midnight on opening night. I sat my butt down at the theater at Lincoln Square on the Upper West Side at 10:30 PM, excited and just a little bit sleepy. I exited the theater 4.5 hours later at 3 a.m. incredibly sleepy, drained and disappointed, like I'd been cramming for a college exam that I probably won't get an A on. And my thoughts after went something like: "Oh god I know I'm going to sit through two more of these and it's going to be so fucking long!"

Compare this to my thoughts after seeing "Fellowship of the Ring" 12 (WTF?!) years ago, which was, "Oh my god, I have no idea what I just saw but I love it and what happens next?!" Which was quickly followed by an explanation of the ending of "Return of the King," which was followed by a "WTF, Frodo fails?!" I was a very easily excitable 13 year old (like almost all 13 year olds).

I tried to figure out why it was that I, as a self-professed Ringer who dressed up as a hobbit and then Eowyn for Halloween, who has the Evenstar necklace, was unsatisfied. Then my roommate gave me the answer: "Every moment was like a parody of itself."


Take the beginning of "Unexpected Journey." It directly mirrors the beginning of the "Fellowship of the Ring," with the narration, then the opening into Bag End, then a party, then a journey. Observe below.



Instead this time, in "Unexpected Journey," it's Bilbo narrating the destruction of Erebor, and then Bilbo and Frodo at Bag End, and then the dwarf dinner party (by the way, Gandalf: worst party promoter ever).

And even the central message of "Unexpected Journey," of showing mercy, is one that was repeated during "FOTR."

Who wants to get me this for my birthday? Precious....

"True courage is about knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one," says Gandalf to Bilbo when he first presents him with Sting. Sadly, it doesn't have quite the same poetic ring as this (around :20):



Then again, Gandalf must be getting tired of telling hobbits not to kill things. Man must be a kill joy during hunting parties.

And there is the obligatory speech about goodness, which from Gandalf is: "Saruman believes it is only great power that can hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found. I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay... small acts of kindness and love."

Gollum, you saved this movie, just like how you saved Middle Earth.
Too bad you won't show up again until FOTR.

Which is a more saccharine version of this (around the 1:45 mark):



A.O. Scott wrote in his review of "The Hobbit" something that I found both true and sad:

We have heard so many weird proper names intoned in made-up tongues, witnessed so many embodiments of pure evil rise and fall and seen so many fine British actors in beards and flowing robes that we may be too jaded for “The Hobbit,” in spite of its noble pedigree.

...When the initial rush of a chase or a skirmish dissipates, you are left with the slightly ripped-off feeling of having been here before, but with different costumes, in a “Pirates of the Caribbean” movie or “Clash of the Titans.”

All of these examples indicate a bigger problem with "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey." It's trying so hard to capture the scope, grandeur and danger of "Fellowship of the Ring." But unlike FOTR, and by extension, the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy, there is no epic end-of-the-world battle between good and evil in "The Hobbit." It was always a simple tale of a band of dwarves, plus one hobbit and one wizard, going on a treasure hunt, the things most children dream about. To give it more urgency than it's required takes the material into the realm of false gravitas and, consequently, parody.

I wonder how many times they can go, "A darkness is growing,"
before someone shouts,"We know and it's going to be fine!"

"The Hobbit" was always meant to be a children's tale. So by adding in elements from J.R.R. Tolkien's other writings about Middle Earth ("The Silmarillion," the appendices of "Lord of the Ring," "The Unfinished Tales"), and foreshadowing the events of "Lord of the Rings," it is adding darkness to a tale that was always supposed to be light in flavor. It's like adding ice cream to steak, both are delicious individually but eaten together, it's an oversaturated flavor assault. When you have elves, those most beautiful of creatures, discussing an impending darkness that will determine the fate of Middle Earth, a story about a dragon slaying and getting some gold seems like small, laughable beans in comparison.

Of course, this review probably won't mean much considering I'll be seeing "The Desolation of Smaug" and "There and Back Again" at midnight in the theaters. Because fanboys and girls are nothing if not persistent and in all honesty, I'm just happy to be back in Middle Earth and to spend more time in the Shire and in Rivendell. I just wished going back was more exciting.

How is it in FOTR, each member of the 11-member Fellowship
had more personality that a band of dwarves (one of whom is Gimli's father) with amazing facial hair?
Facial hair always equals awesome personality!

P. S. On a side note, how many close calls are Bilbo and Co. going to have before the feeling of urgency wears off? Already they've deus ex machina-ed their way out of troll BBQ spits, stone giant fights, goblin dens and orc battles (where they are saved by Eagles, which looks so familiar).

Will this trope of being a knife's away from death before getting miraculously saved keep on repeating itself again, and again, and again, until it is no longer exciting. And then will it be exciting again around movie 3? I'll keep you posted.