The Impossible Dream at ActorFest 2010

In the musical "Man of La Mancha," Don Quixote, while standing beside a suit of armor, responds to a query of why he continues with his, seemingly impossible, quest. Naturally, since this is a musical and what theater professors would call the "major dramatic question," he responds in song.

"To dream ... the impossible dream ...
To fight ... the unbeatable foe ...
To bear ... with unbearable sorrow ...
To run ... where the brave dare not go ..."

And so on and so forth. Brian Stokes Mitchell (one of the sexiest bass voices on Broadway) sings a beautiful version of this song.

His voice was running through my head as I was standing looking at actors scurry back and forth at ActorFest, a convention for actors to mingle with industry professionals and hopefully make an impression.

I was guarding a door to a workshop, one that cost $36 and was about how to audition for commercials. I had a view of the convention floor since I was standing on the first balcony. 5,100 hundred had pre-registered. There were more that had not. And all looked like insects on that floor, scurrying back and forth, a cacophony of voices and nerves that seemed to permeate the air with anxiety and neurosis.

All day, I have been stopped by numerous people, all frantic and inquiring me with various queries where the 8th floor Grand Ballroom is, where the bathroom is, where the elevator is, where the Telemundo casting call was, whether there was a place to print head-shots. Some questions, I knew and others, like the latter, "I'm sorry, I don't have that answer for you."

The disappointment, then the false cheerfulness and response, "It's alright, I'll just ask someone else." That's the thing about these networking events, you have to be nice to everyone you meet, even the volunteers, because you never know...

It started when I came into the office on Monday and my editor at Back Stage asked me, "Hey, what are you doing on Saturday?"

And that's how I found myself, the intern, out in the 60 degree cold, wearing a t-shirt and handing out wristbands to 750 anxious kids and their even more anxious parents at 9 a.m. (I had been there since 7 a.m.). All were auditioning for a 10-line role on a Nickelodeon show. Some were as young at 8. Others as old as 24. We had to reject the older ones and it was as if glass shattered when we did so, the disappointment was palpable. I can't say I feel guilty, especially because there were so many more people in line after that.

I didn't know who had it worst, the kids who had been waiting in line since 6 a.m., shivering in the cold morning in their thin sweaters and neatly combed/curled hair; or the casting agents that had to see all 750 of these people, who are trying their hardest to be charming and impressive. How do you sift through the falsity to find something authentic?

"What are the chances of one of them landing the role?" asked another volunteer.

"1 in 750," I said, flatly. Law of probability. See? You do use math after high school.

And that's where the "Impossible Dream" came in, 5,100 actors, 750 child actors, their parents... And on the other side of the ring: the hundred or so casting agents and industry professionals! Fight!

I wonder, what can compel you to attend this type of event, especially when you are just one face in a sea of thousands and especially when you might not even look the part. What can you do to change a casting director's mind?

I wonder if any of them really believe that they will get the role, or are they just hoping like hell and holding onto a thread of a chance. Which I guess for any actor or anyone in entertainment, is the best you can really do.

I imagine the anxiety of the actors, that pressure you can put on yourself to do your damnedest to make an impression. And then that wave upon wave of disappointment that inevitably follow ActorFest when they wait anxiously for that callback which, for a majority, will not come.

The tragedy! The joy! The excitement! The humanity!

It's the stuff that Broadway shows are made of. It's the impossible dream.